Archive for July, 2008

Balloons , Bono, The Beredsford, The SanRemo and the Couple I No Longer Refer to by Their Proper Name

July 31, 2008

Went up today on the hot air balloon in Central Park put there for the hundred fiftieth anniversary of the greensward plan.  I was scared shitless it brought back memories of my sky-diving accident when I was twenty three.  It was alright I held on for dear life.

The wait was about an hour and-a-half.  Three people  customers went up at a time (this blogger and another tour guide who I will no longer refer to by his proper name and his wife) plus a handler.  Our handler was a young woman who when I said Bono lived at the visible San Remo she said he lived at the Beredsford (she said I know I live at the Beredsford like I talk to him at the mailbox) …


I said he lives at the SanRemo maybe he is sleeping with someone at the Beredsford.

Laurence Fishburne Again and the Spitzers

July 24, 2008

Saw Laurence Fishburne again at  French Roast this time sitting at the bar at with the same African -American male companion and another guy telling stories (he is not shy)  Later they all went out for a cigarette and he stabbed at some balloons which were attached to a metal utility box with a butter knife.

Told my Elliot Spitizer nonsensical rhyme going past the condo building ( built by his father) where he lives on fifth avenue “and his wife is Silda Wall and he is sleeping down the hall” and the woman in the couplet or what looked like her when I looked over was below the bus in earshot of the aforementioned auditory– then just later the driver an ex professional wrestler and titular head of a tribe in Nigeria said he had just seen “Spitzer” walking down Fifth avenue ( he said “don’t you respond when somebody talks to you”) .  i had not heard him I missed the ex-govenor ( and he said that he had said something to the ex-politico him and that he was ignored).

Blackout in Sports Celebrity Strip Mall Heaven

July 17, 2008

So here I am again in the Florida Strip mall where my father lived for sometime in a very comfortable Spanish Mission style Holday Inn.  They used to have a Bikram Yoga studio a few arcades down by a back alcove with a fountain but now there is weird hybrid of a slot parlor.


Here they present you with a card at a minimum of five dollars (but you need to make it to twenty five to be redeemed and I was told that you did not need to make it to fifty from twenty five and so-forth to be similarly let off the hook).  One day they were serving pizza in there and then later the next day  when while watching a History channel program on The Dark Knight (Batman)’s Physche in my hotel room there was a blackout.


 I decided to go over and check it out. It is as hard to loose as it is to win!  There was even a religious themed machine called redemption (a first).  This all while headed over to the super maxed out Shaquile (can anybody say surreal) O’Neal sponsored and themed twenty four hour workout palace (I mean running machines, step machines, aerobics, an olympic sized lap pool, a whirpool, a sauna, a steam room, a sit up crunch machine where you simultaneously shoot baskets, full legnth basketball courts-  etecetras!ecetras!..)

Meanwhile,  I had briefly thought of getting the bases loaded french fries (waffle fries, scallions, sour cream, melted cheese, and bacon bits) at the Pete Rose Ballpark restaurant (where once I was threatened with arrest for almost accidentally crashing his birthday gala- and who does he think he is anyway the Queen mother?) one more time before I blow town tommorow and contemplate the astronomical admission fee for Universal Studios Orlando.


  P.S right after this I am going to O’Neals to workout

It Happens in Vegas Mostly Happened in Manhattan

July 14, 2008

I am in a hotel in Florida and finally get to see “It Happens in Vegas” starring Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz as starcrossed innebriated while spontaneously married then slot jackpot winning lovers and directed by Todd Vaughn.  When they were getting set to film the scenes on the double decker I got the “service order” (as we call it in the tour bus biz) to do the directors scouting run through.


When the film was actually shot you guessed it Hal Glicksman got the call.

Well when Woody Allen just used one of our buses they hired an actual guide Daniel Shapiro and gave him the actual rate of pay for a working actor for the day. In “Vegas” the characters ran on and off did physical comedy on the bus and though the tour guide looked familiar he was played by an actor named Eric Zuckerman (I watched the credits roll).


The movie was touching (I cried). And the couple lived in the appartment building in Brooklyn Heights where Hart Crane the poet resided when he wrote the “Bridge Cycle” as well as where Mary Roebling directed construction of the bridge (the poet Tsuarah Litsky lives there today).

P.s: I used to say that Hart Crane was the only Brooklyn writer to commit suicide by jumping off a boat (he jumped off a ship on the way back from Mexico in a full tuxedo) not true anymore Spalding Gray a few years back jumped off the Staten island Ferry.

Lucky Sevens and then on the Eigth

July 8, 2008


 on the first occurence I pull into a parking lot
timed in at 7:07
i would have gone and played lucky sevens
but midnight comes up and I am too far away