Hard Spock Cafe

February 28, 2015

Hard Spock Cafe

Lets all return to base return to base

No Tribbles

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The Message is the Massage

February 21, 2015
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Under the Sombrero again

South of the border where fat people pull over on the way to florida is the genesis of my most visited blog post ever, written after a stop in 2008 for an emergency massage.

At that point this blogger thought that he would be some tag laying down proper noun multiplying latter day Richard Burton the explorer or Lord Byron cataloguing exotic lands but the internet is an avalanche and in order to garner any traffic he found that there had to be some gimmick like north of south or south of North or as it goes a wordplay deconstruction of the geography of the locale of South of the Border

But of course the message was the massage as it is a kind of publicly secretive one—

The message is the massage

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Amored

December 22, 2014

When Donkeys Fly Art Basel Miami Beach 2014- Skitzophrenogenesis, #artbaselnaps, Deitch mistakes Miley for Kelly

December 5, 2014

When Donkey’s Fly image ( Donut at the booth of GióMarconi,  Milan by  Nathalie Djurberg) When Donkey’s fly through donkey donuts, giant rounds of faux icing it is not surprising that the art-world and all of its attendant bling so attractive as well a distraction even to those who are supposed to be doing the summarizing will gather where the punch bowl blazes as it disappears over the horizon, So here/there we were a motley crew; Urszula Abolik, Dr. Barnaby Ruhe and I at the big date the billionaires in track shoes running to collect watever they are going to collect and the famous names; Peter Brant 1, Owen Wilson, Leonardo DICaprio, Diddy (Sean Combs), Swiss Beatz (Austrian time increments anyone?),  Baz Luhrman, Tommy Hilfiger and many more. What was in store? …  And then in the words of Emily XYZ one might have replied with “I am going to the store I am going to the store”, even as Phoebe Legere says “art is not a combat sport”… What do I care?   i who am all washed up with wishes all wished out wish that my photographic memory would have brought it all together with art by doing my part. So of all of the art whats stands out for this coffee fountain is Stanton MacDonald’ Wright’s monumental sychromist canvas L’age d’or (1966-67) for a Million two at Frances Nauman (which also sold a Man Ray of the late actress Ruth Ford red dotted and then shipped off before the events demise) and a couple of works by the amazing Canadian sculptor David Altmejd.                                                        (Daybreak by David Altmejd)                               Meanwhile when it was time to party while drinking Perrier at the Peter Marino opening. as he took over not a piece of the Bass, but, almost the whole Bass.  And you were about to Bass out as the leather master interior designer who really just playing dress while having a wife and daughter stood Lordly in the most far away room of the building as the opening ensued and society types doted upon him. It was a scene from which I had shuttled from the BMW party which among other things offered ceviche and red snapper tacos. The whole place was filled with his art collection, his designs, pictures of his architectural commissions, leather trappings and even a wax figure of him in bondage bar gear. Meanwhile back at ABMB Baz Luhrman and his wife and design partner Catherine Martin co-curated an exhibition wit in the fair itself with Nellie Hooper celebrating the fiftieth birthday of Gallery Gmurynska. I who had missed the Baz Barney’s holiday window opening (for having to stop and zap my I-phone at apple and if they moved that sculptural bovine to the park at the end of the island then the Battery would hold a charge which is something that their 5S cannot seem to do and a die in there they already have a die in their batteries are always dying) suddenly found myself face to face with the sailor shirt wearing Aussie  and told him how I doubled my tips on the double-decker with a little help from his fenetres, and he said he was really pleased to hear that,.  Then I did my imitation of him which I have been working on it is what he says in this video which follows here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HttposHpZpU After exiting the Marino opening while pushing through the large strip of what looks like a discotheques version of  car wash fabric, consisting of black shiny plastic fabric separated like Venetian blinds and made probably to effect the supreme fetishists love for leather, this blogger entered the park where was happening the opening for “Public” an official art instillation sub-show of the ABMB spectacular.  Therein all of a sudden a large crowd under of the instruction of a pied piper type were led to a giant wood construct piece which it turns out had been created by the last assembled group the previous night.  It turns out it was Christian Falsnaes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygKKqusbTVs and yours truly got out in front of the forward marching crowd and as you can see got his rocks off taking an active part. A little later on I  recorded my truth at the truth booth https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWbjTLffSys. Though private it was yes just to take on the moment and it was such a blast! i drank so much espresso that I visited the bathroom more time then a bus full of retirees in Atlantic City as I was zipping back and forth on i-95 to the lovely seaside hamlet of Deefield Beach. So the landscape was set out including the work by the conceptual giantess Marin Abromovic set throughout the city, including the one at the  Miami Beach convention center which invited you to just take a load off honey at her #artbaselnaps.  .Not only did she speak at the salon conversations station at the fair but she an instillation at the Beyler foundation booth which consisted of lying down on a cot blanket  atop putting your bags in a locker headphones on close your eyes and nothing designer sensory deprivation.. I needed this time out and saw volcanoes of hot pink from belly buttons spouting out. On one of the shuttles I heard a woman remarking that she saw only one Jeff Koons and indeed there were all types of works mixed in including where Damian Hirst with the pharmaceutical went gigantaform with “Schizophrenogenesis” at the Paul Stolper Gallery, London, United Kingdom  booth it was a lit bit of Nauman whose birthday it was on December 6th while the fair was with the neonscript spelling the name and the honey I blew up the prescription drugs objects,  It was titillating to the passersby Meanwhile it was back to the exhibit Luhrman in tandem had curated to see what he had chosen.   A whole spectrum of modern masters had been deployed from the founding giants such as Picasso and Kandinsky to later greats like Francis Bacon and Cy Twombly. Over at design Miami there was furniture by Zaha Hadid at the King Kong climbing the Burj al Khalifa, which had cordially invited the beast to Dubai.This assemblage is  by the London firm of  LANDMARK.

Ali blah blah

September 25, 2014

Alibaba
Underwritten by the forty thieves
Open said a me
And the entrance closed

Chris Christie leaving Yankee stadium after the Boomer Esiason celEbrity benefit baseball game

June 30, 2014
Christie walking towards his car

Christie walking towards his car

Blah Blah Blah If You cannot Take a Joke

June 17, 2014

photo If you can’t take a joke you can get the bleep out of this blog it was an echo, which was not originating with you rather, it was emanating from behind Vacuous double entendres are a triple threat Here comes Ichabod Cranium Black ink ketchup allover the Marlboro Man who is now being dissected by Dr. Ruth as Jazz fusion with an Eastern European twist is played to cheap white wine drinkers at a converted IHOP I know my poetry my rhyme But I am an asshole Grown strong through terrifying moments of interdependence Happenstance, is not always a lap dance Clans of Rymans rhyming with Luc Tymans If we need one liners rewritten We can just depend on the arrest of Paul Simon This is the way this goes downtown Now I am not going to catch my breath to take a Cigarette, take a pan au chocolate at Paris baguette One should never forget that before there was GAGA There was the fashion and art orchid we like to call Colette but if you cannot take a Joke you can get the Fuck out of this blog I am not pulling the wool over anybody’s eyes But by now one would surmise that aesthetic morticians had franchised multiple alibis not limited to but including the sunrise You cannot say certain names this is just a game There is no one to blame But if you can’t take a joke you can get the Fuck out of this blog A run at the mill where released was a gleaming one hundred million dollar plus diamond encrusted skull A thirst for Hirst and Hirst things first Hirst things comes first and Hirst thinks first unitl something or someone or other goes bust or super yachts burst Are you going to take the fizz out of my piece of shit Was not the art of explanation re-mastered by some erstwhile corkscrew twisted Brit I am all for it But if you Cannot take a joke you can get the Fuck out this blog BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! painted the painter painted the painted on scrolls grates and canvas Blah blah blah said the poet blah blah blah collected the collector bah bah bah said not the polyresinous sheep herded into the auction house bah bah bah said the alcoholic lamb grazing guzzling fat check nuzzling Blah blah blah blogged the blogger If you can’t take a joke you can get the fuck out of my house and whose house is it anyway? And you can’t take it with you You think that you are friends with Chris Christie but you get the handcuffs He is a ham and that is why he became a proscuittocuter to begin with What’s your ping to that pong? Was it just vacuous non vacuuming vacuum cleaners All lit up and starring in the instillation he is such a great guy you don’t want to say anything not nice about him (or his work) no not him yes he is a jerk but if it all leaves you cold you are still going to grow old so do what your told or for you there will be no gold you cannot take it with you, giant balloon dogs wallpaper art virtual reality in the round amateur pornography a Titan’s iconography door to door debauchery vanity art on the selling floor sorcery

Play doh by Koons

Play doh by Koons

I want to punch back From inside of the punch-lines after reading the headlines while beating all deadlines BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! cannot be copied BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! CANNOT BE COPIED BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XhM5estgsAM/UOMCQS2EycI/AAAAAAAAAgQ/s3SVF-ZwctA/s400/072.JPG Voluptuous Perignon Phallic Gallic Voluminous Perpignan He did it on porpoise She did it on a porpoise

He did it on porpoise She did it on a porpoise

He did it on porpoise
She did it on a porpoise

After all chasing around with the shark in the shark cage is nothing compared to the sharks who are sharking out here after all we have to save the dolphins with porpoise and all the porpoises ostensibly otherwise tensabarriers, weighted overhang bars, diving armor, spear-guns and becoming a submerged trophy hunter will never be enough to fight off thin linen wearing money men trading commodity in the form of abstract conception baby! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dswPW78FYBI inflatables are debatable Sandwiched in with what is non-equitable On the Road looking to find the next big bad art piece to get all upset over Schmutz: I say it is Schmutz! Schmutz, Schmutz, Schmutzie goodbye! Not since the advent of the first mixture of cream cheese with jelly! Not since the invention of cream cheese and jealousy! Its a tour speech in a garden which cannot be heard on the closed circuit microphone out amongst the surrounding flowers; tiger lilies or orange orchids but you go out to talk to Joan Rivers who is there all dressed up in black and white and that old comic killer Phyllis Diller and the artist Collette who would be emblematic of the blossom on many a night Thats because engine roaring i was motorcycling through a ring of fire in a previous stanza which disappeared to come back blazing within burning cliche language appropriated by plastic artists to exclaim a new proclamation on a variation of the very same thing Welcome to an art world or a world of art already filled with ready made victims and some victimizers ready with ready-mades or ready to make ready-mades Everybody ready, gentlemen start your search engines Inside the proverbial Trojan Horse A Chia Don’t kick a gift mount in the mouth Except that he is not my steed, Fetish objects, Are there any objections, to a fetish for objects insatiable for inflatables Goo-goo for marbles I will give you all the muster I can muster for luster and then I will give you some bluster Is there anything wrong with some solace with a fetish before committing a major crime? Object lessons in objectification Subject lessons in subjectification Where the subjects are subjects Subjectify my lust It all started with a plump posterior a round ass out in the suburbs whose curvatures would have been as if a dangerous road looking to handle turned around becomes an invitation to please You blindsided me with schmutz, Toots! Here comes the Rabbi, there came the Rabbi Back when it was even better than the real thing And years later he wanted to know Why Koons had to be so self-effeminizing But the congreagants purchased him a Pousette-Dart I should not have blown the way I did at you misdirecting rocket fire onto you from Gaza But then you got me with your words like we as if we had shared some long drunken evening @ the Plaza—- And now I am allover schmutz heralding some false biennialist Just because I got pissed and you had to find some way to take advantage of it Gem warfare its a Baby Jane Holdup  I am happy to be offended Out of shape bended To make sure that the never ending Has never really ended Dead vacuum cleaners play docents Save your life raft A slap from 100 percent pure crap One hundred percent pure crip one hundred percent pure blood the inflatables, the incredibles the never ending never endables If I can buy a visual spoof for 25 million and sell for 35 I am certainly game but if I get stuck with the lark there will certainly be someone else to blame Jeff loony Koons Claes Oldenburg and Coosie Von Bruggen’s looming spoon Balloon scriptures Another looming Koons My eyes lost in a sea of objects laid upon the sparking golden lame mardi gras tablecloth: lobster shell crackers, water glasses, antipasto platters, water glasses and so on and so forth Skull and balloons The sacred heart of Jesus The Sacred Heart which believes in us Yeezus! They’ll tell someone else to ban you from the house but still take you for a drink at the bar inside of it downstairs The ever changing face of commodities and their transfers therein In a pawn shop I have lots to offer for sale but gold coins turn to chocolate and get eaten so the only thing the house wants is the the endoscopy video screen and cam for which they are willing to pay $375 And in expecting this dreamer experienced subdued joy But when the recompense arrives it is but a single hundred dollar bill and ten tickeTS for a big bus lines double decker tour in London, England to which there are mot plans for me to fly-Ali Blah blah blah! It is the only problem I know of where the solution is ignorance Book 2: What Matadors to you does not necessarily Matador to me Afrozen, a portrait artist says that you are fat and attempts to flip a commission Stop eating the Italian bread Or rainbow cookies in its stead Universal slut What that Matador was out the door Before David Bowie released the video for “Pity She’s a Whore” A mat and a door, a matador not a toreador Shalimar You arte gonna be a big star You are gonna go far You’re never gonna die Riding the the stainless steel Jeff Koons, Jim Beam train They are all so Matadorable No Koons for many moons? A Donkeynado is what you get When a huge sudden storm cannot get itself together properly with an animal in a dream And when Donkeys fly they are far more lethal than sharks There is a mule which has an island in the Southern chain off of and which is part of the State of Florida, Don Key Donkey Donuts! Ha ha ha Ha ha! Giuseppe Veneziano, Do you think tha the is speaking English Veneziano, do you think that he has been speaking English all along? In a pay-phone museum or some semblance of such A round with interior chrome strip paneling, in lieu of wallpaper of course An exhibition of late coin fed devices of all the same make Interspersed with metallic painted on photographs by Kenny Scharf which look all the more like Andy Warhols Copies of copies of copies Straight ahead Sturtevant, Peter Stuyvesant was the last Director General of New Amsterdam But Sturtevant was not the final Empress of scam Split Rocker/Split Racker A Split Racker.s color transition right down the center of their brazier Botero bronzes, fat cigars and pietas “if you can’t take a joke you can the fuck out of my house” and what kind of house is it anyway, been kicked out of a few? and what is the joke? You know we are all going to build our own homes anyway you know that and write our jokes…. And because of deflation play ball like you are going to perform defellatio at the Boston Tea Party Allover Tom Brady’s backside 10365975_867995323233103_2795329156015484921_n

Not coming soon more Jeff Koons

I wanted to ride in his hot air balloon

when there is nothing else to do

you can count on me to swoon

when I am in the room with Mr. Koons

and if I had enough Swiss Francs he would be designing my tomb

I  copy therefore I am

lost in a sea  of  transmissions

Cannot regroup to see work from the Zero Group

Poop snoop loop de loop

ISIS crisis human sacrifices

terrorists who follow conceptual art

Beasts who work in the tradition of the late Chris Burden

Costumed , caged doused, set ablaze, burnt alive

Bulldozed, buried and resurrected as propaganda

If the Whitney Biennial

should give way

to the New Museum Triennial

Somebody shall offer up another Quadrennial

or some other multiple of a perennial

I now reopen this poem to rip a whole in the heart and the soul

of all my fans from Norway

I am tired of so called good art it is time to embrace BAD ART it is so much more honest

I want to drive around and make bad art fart on find me the next Chase Utley branch Jenny is a Hoser we at least we think she is not a Hoosier big name bad art

New old characters enter the poem
Demetria Daniels
Walter Robinson
Jamie Dalglish
Glenn O’Brien
and Mark Kostabi
We are all there for the
Mark Kostabi Show
First called the Mark Kostabi after having been titled
Name that painting
And Title This
The game show keeps going on and I am a panelist with Robinson and O’Brien and I have not been a panelist for a very long time but my co/panelists will not talk to me though they will talk to Demetria so soon the make small talk in the confluence with me
Soon as we are naming paintings I tell Kostabi that he is stultifying and about to tell him the same his paintings which he does not do himself and I am about to just say they are bad but being that this is not situationally correct I do not and soon the dream ends

I dream there a picture of me featured in a glass cabinet display at a retrospective exhibition on Willoughby Sharp at the Metropolitan Museum of Art

I enjoy getting mad at bad art.. Christopher Wool is like Donald Trump he doesn’t mean a thing that he is saying but he going to stare into space looking off from a white room with a cube hanging overhead… suppose if I do this if doing this will get me this effect and everybody is going to buy it then I will be that.. And if you can’t take a joke you can the bleep out of this reply

Well how to be a stand up comedian until you cannot stand it no more

standing around or standing your ground going around waiting for one liners

and delivering the one liners schtick with zip until comedy becomes rhapsody?

becomes the painting on the wall  which you can sometimes make disappear

did you hear the one about the nurse about the doctor about the Rabbi

about the African American guy about the Jew about the art critic

well it was all quite funny quite punny  nowback to the punch line into  the heart of the punch bowl of an emotion traveling down the smoldering pelvic bone

back when one was going to say no shit Shalom

whether it is megapriced crap or bullshit wishing  that it was so expensive to purchase

there are not enough wheelbarrows or space to pile it into

but sometimes one rise and perhaps I am continuing to misread the whole thing

tour guides love exhibitions at the Museum of Group Sex

maybe I will get on a Tom Sachs Space capsule launch and venture far far away

from Blah! Blah ! Blah!

a Jeff Koons fiberglass pooch falls over crsmashes at the Miami Design fair a downward downside dog a downward downside dogward going joke

It was  a smash hit

How about an article about the top ten art objects to be dropped from the top of a building by David Letterman , back when he still was dropping things

Stand up for stand up comedians and for stand up comedy and then sit down because the bus in motion, there are things happening of such great proportions like that Don Pickles is gone Priscilla Presley Presley Priscilla Presley Gerber the murders in Manila
Phyllis Barry Thriller Diller

Pillow penny exhibits in the pup Palazzo pandering Toopy politi it’s potentially a wrist risk arrest but not to Rick’s arrest a rest is needed after after pandering to pull the pity potentially you will not pull out fastened to the Palazzo pill a Pity exhibits in the Palazzo pandering to bility is potentially a risk you risking arrest but not to risk arrest the rest is needed after pandering to the lady potentially you and I’ll pull out fastened to the Palazzo pull up pretty exhibits in the Palazzo pandering to Billy it potentially risky whisky rest but not to risk arrest is needed after pandering to the lady potentially you and I pull out fastened to the Palazzo pull up pretty exhibits in the Palazzo pandering to Billy and potentially risky whisky pandering to the lady potentially you and I pull out fastened to the potentially potentially potentially risky whisky

Pilopotti Rist at the Palazzo Pitti

Make it Hirst so good, Make Hirst so bad

Lets make a lot of money and have some fun in tbe sunny with Peter Tunney
Great attitude – “GRATTITUDE”

Yes honey bunny lets make a ton of Tunney money and then go hangout with the Tunney Bunnys

Its so sunny I can see all of the money and I can see all the Tunneys

Elephants can dance

I have nothing else to do so I find myself prostrate before the neon vagina

Light up the neon vagina over and over again because the truth always happens over and over and over again

Gau pastry says the docent the tour guide the lecturer leading the group through the exhibition of early 20th century avant garde art possibly dada possibly surreal his pronunciation is corrected by the dreamer more that once and the wording is really heading for gateau or off into @ #gaypastry  or just French gateaux made by a patisier whose name starts with a G a late famous French Patisier- Gaston Lenoitre and his English Wikipedia page to be

June 9, 2014

 

Steve Wynn at the Christies Auction Previews Monday May 5, 2014

May 5, 2014

Steve Wynn at the Christies Auction Previews Monday May 5, 2014Image

Denzel Washington Jr. @ the Stage Door after the Premiere of the revival of Lorraine Hansberry’s Raisin in the Sun ”

April 4, 2014

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